Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
