i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
