Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
