just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
