I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
