I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
