If that was your dad, he is hot
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
