i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
