apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
