I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
