I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
is it fun? or sober?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
