the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
