you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
cat food counts as protein by the way
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
