he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
