Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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