Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
