Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
nutella sex= disaster
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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