I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like death gave me a hand job
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
