every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
