ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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