VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
