I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
