Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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