I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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