And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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