porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
