I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
