My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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