Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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