apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
