Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
