i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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