well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
