her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
