I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
