Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
