Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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