so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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