i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
