you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
not ubering you a puppy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
