I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
