never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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