You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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