At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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