I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
