Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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