I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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