a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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