I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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