I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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