Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
