dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
