the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
bring money and cleavage
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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