Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i drank out of a bidet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
