When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
