Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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