i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drake has all the answers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
