My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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