last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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