You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
